NOV11 white rock

played pool for awhile with jojo
then cruised to white rock
oh the lights

how i wish you were there with me <3

nothing as beautiful

the background picture of this page defines beauty.

i did not see much when i was up on the hill, looking down at vancouver. i did not realize the beauty of the picture until it was being sent to me. i was pretty stunned because all the previous pictures of vancouver at night that i have taken with any other cameras were not even close to its beauty. thanks to a little cropping done, to make this picture glow even more.

when i was up there, i didn't see its beauty.
nor yours.

it is exactly two months ago that this picture was taken.
i never thought much at that time.
it was like a date with a stranger.
but you quickly caught my attention.

i like how you're a little sensitive.
i like how you care about me.
i like the little restrictions you give me.
i like how you make me laugh.
i like how you don't play mind games.
i like how we're so stupid it's not even funny.
i hate the things you say sometimes...
but all that add up to be who you are 
and i like everything about you (:
even though at times i really wanna punch you in the face.
but you're still lovable.

- sii

a sii under modification

we always wish for things that we cannot have.

i wish i were a little taller. i wish i were more fit. i wish i were skinnier. i wish i can wear heels. i wish i have longer legs. i wish i have pretty feet. i wish i have nicer tans. i wish i have a little more money. i wish i were a little more attractive. i wish i have a little more fashion sense. i wish i can be more feminine. i wish i can look nice in almost anything. i wish i am a little smarter. i wish i sing a little better. i wish i can eat all the things i want without getting fat......

i'm changing all the things i can possibly change about myself.
because i feel like i am not good enough.

my wishes upon stars

i remember having most of my wishes come true.
wishes about personal things, not materials.

what i thought was impossible has become possible..
i cannot give up, no matter what it takes.
the pain...
argh it fuckings hurts

i'm actually afraid.

恐懼感

廁所的桌上排滿了不同的護髮產品, 面膜, 指甲水. 櫃裡的護膚產品比雪櫃裡的菜還多. 每天起床不是要漂白牙齒就是要幫頭髮焗油. 洗澡後又要塗不同的body lotion到身上. 減肥膏塗在有多餘肥糕的身體部位上. 保濕的在乾的皮膚上... 等等. 幾個月前我真的沒有察覺到老化的恐懼. 到了現在想一想... 可能自己的男朋友比自己年紀小, 所以很怕有一天我會顯得比他老. 就算他比我大一, 兩歲, 我的恐懼感依然會存在... 因為女人無論內在及外在也比男人猶先成熟. 男人永遠都會是一總膚淺的動物. 難道要留著他的心... 就一定要有外表嗎?

雖然我沒有比如中那麼誇張, 但護膚護髮的產品的確越來越多...
真的是... 為了自己還是身邊的那一位呢?